Haha. Vic called me last night or is it considered this morning. She told me she was drunk. Man, i thought wad was happening. Then she told me williams was goin down to get her and she jus need someone to talk to. Whew, and i thought wad was goin on. Then this morning, my sis jus told me she has been takin ppl for granted. She still owe me 30 bucks and lets hope that she will return as promise. Thanks mei for telling me this. Nxt time i'll be careful when lending her money. And how sweet she was. She wanted to return the money to me.. haha. I din accept it DUH ! Ha Ha...

Was laying on my bed last night thinking about the reasons y she wouldn wan to gif us a try. Now after reading her blog i fully understand. Its not that simple and so it seems. The news i got from her was rather shocking but i accepted it. Don wish to tell the news here for fear of offending her. Still wish so much that we could work out at least we could date but she told me she gets stressed when i ask her out. So i let it be. I'll jus forget about her till she call. Its rather pointless. Y din she tell me she had another crush even if its a girl. At least i could understand. But now, who cares. I'll jus let nature take its course. Jus may the elements guide her and let her make the right decision.

After tat day, 10 march 2003, my life went down once more. i became a lifeless bastard sitting at home all day playing games, listening to sad songs and trying to weep but it always doesn come. The feeling of wanting to break down and cry but u cant is so terrible. I tried to smile, but it doesn come. i wrote it in my essay for my drama schools audition, topic " problems face by a drama student ". Its hard to ask somewhere to smile when he is sad within. HaHa, went to hendrix yesterday, got myself drunk came home still couldn sleep. Haven been sleeping well for 5 days now. Y must all this happen to me ??

Life is hard,
I can't explain why.
No one knows how hard I try.

When things are tough,
When life is bad,
I just pretend that I am not sad.

I don't know how to let you know,
The pain I feel,
The hurt I don't show.

Life is hard,
Not just for me,
Things that happen are meant to be.

I can't be happy everyday,
But that doesn't mean
That things aren't ok.

I don't crave attention,
I thrive by myself,
I am not always in need of your help.

Life is hard,
But things will be alright.
Now I can sleep through the night.

My life is on track,
The pieces are in place,
But I need my own time, I need my own space.

I am different now,
I need you to see.
I am not anyone else, I am just me.